The Right Write Rite

screaming

she screamed

Very loudly in her head

she sat alone in the empty laboratory observing her screaming

Everyday was a struggle. She struggled to peel away from her bed in the morning. She reminded herself to breath

Why? That was all that she could ask. No one and nothing could provide any answer. She sank. She sank into an emotional blackhole so deep that she wished she had listened to her shrink. She was stubborn. She believed that she could win this battle without any help, ever.

Her faith started to crumble this time. She was justifying. She knew he was not the reason for her agony. She had not been happy long before their path crossed. She had sought outside for her misery all these years. She had blamed everyone else for what she was going through. Now, she was crying for help, inside. She wanted to break free. The pain was just too unbearable this time. She knew only determination could help her get through it but she was just too weak. She was not willing enough to let go of her infatuation, as yet.

This was not the first time she had fallen so easily for a man. It had become a pattern. She had reminded herself not to repeat it. She knew it was not fair to the man who loved her so much. She hated herself for cheating on him. But she could not believe him. She doubted his fidelity. And so she repaid him with her promiscuity.

She always had a way with men. She knew she was beautiful but hidden behind that young looking, innocent face was someone who knew how to play the mind game. She was kind, extremely caring and warmth to her new targets. She would constantly showered them with her attention and put them on the pedestal. She knew flattery never failed. She made them laugh. She would dig her way into the hearts. It had always started this way. And when the guys had wanted her much, her true colors showed through. Her pettiness and paranoia gushed through. Most of all, she wanted to be worshipped. She wanted to know they would suffer without her. And when that failed. She would always end the affairs abruptly and evaporated as if she had not existed before

She was not lucky this time round. She did not know if she had really fallen for this guy. She had fallen hard this time. He had been playing game too. Her strategies failed badly. No matter what she did, she just could not get in. The harder she tried, the farther he appeared to be. When she backed off a little, he took little steps forward. She could not give up. She wanted to get into his heart badly like she always did. She had run out of tricks to get there. So she suffered. And because she suffered, she began to realize what a monster she had been. Her mind calmed down. Suddenly she felt so lost. It was somewhere she had never been before. But her struggle continued. She fought hard this time to be a better person. She needed help but she was still arrogant. She could still hear her evil voice in her head. She knew that was what she had to conquer and her fight began now.